Tap, tap. Is this thing on?

Okay, so this is my first attempt at this blog-like thing. Since creativity is not one of my gene-given gifts, don’t expect anything readable or even vaguely interesting. Usually, the prerequisite for writing an interesting text is the presence of some form of inspiration. Inspiration flourishes from from all sorts of emotions: Euphoric happiness, falling in love, the death of someone close to you; all the powerful experiences of life. And from the exact opposite: utter, utter, excruciating boredom.

Currently, I am sitting—albeit not very comfortably (French fries in a cardboard pack at McDonald’s have more lebensraum)—on flight LX92 from Zürich airport to Sao Paolo airport. It is 04:03 CET time—five hours into a two-leg twelve plus five hour flight—tired, bored, sleepless, and even a bit hungry, en route to Pipa, Rio Grande do Norte in Brazil for a bit-over-two-weeks trip visiting a friend of mine who lives there for a while.

It is my first long-haul flight in a few years, and my first transatlantic trip in Airbus’ response to the Jumbo, more precisely an A340-300. I have done a fair bit of travelling by plane the last couple of years, but limited to relatively short European flights. The first thing that strikes you upon entering one of these things is the sheer size of it; she is basically a giant, airborne steamer. So huge and unsinkable that she eats turbulence for breakfast with her giant, screaming cutlery. After walking you through business class (they want you to feel like a cheapskate), it slowly begins to sink in how little you actually paid for your tickets. The classlessness of European flights is gone, replaced by a three-class hierarchical system with First ranking on top, Business in the middle, and far down on the bottom: Economy. They cram more people (most of them seem to be children) into Economy than First and Business combined.

The airliners have done a good job at illustrating that point with the symbolic letters they use: First is “F”, Business is “B”, Economy is “Y”. Feels more like a “Z” to me right now. This class-oriented hierarchy is reflected throughout the chain of events which takes place before, during and after the flight; from check-in, through posh lounges and security, and finally de-boarding. On the E terminal in Zürich airport, the First passengers have their own floor, and their own boarding gate to the airplane, so that they don’t have to mingle with the proletariat of Business and Economy. A friend of mine has had the opportunity to experience this, and just thinking about what he has told me about the experience fills me with envy. Viva la revolution!

I have had very little time to do any research before this trip – pointless Internet escapism like pictures of cheeseburger-eating kittens take up most of my recreational computer time – and I am putting my faith in the friendly and honest people of Brazil to guide me safely through the journey.

Weather forecasters promise thirty degrees C, sunny, and zero percent chance of precipitation. The end justifies the means, and suffering through another seven hours of soon-to-be-screaming, already-stinking kids is hopefully totally worth it.

I will try my best to post more of these. Unless I get drunk and forget.